Deadlier Than the Male

Butch Hunt 2012

Wed, 23 May 2012 17:57:12 GMT

Attention butches, studs, AGs and all Masculine of Center readers: Think you’ve got what it takes to play two-fisted dyke dick Butch Fatale? I’m gearing up for my next Butch Fatale novel, and I want to put together a sexy video teaser trailer. All I need is YOU!

Here’s what you need to do:

Post a video (any length) on YouTube containing each of the following components:

A) Introduce yourself and tell us why you should play Butch Fatale. (NOTE: You DO NOT have to look exactly like the cover illustration or match the written description! I welcome entries from all ages, shapes and types, including butches of color, fat butches, and anyone else who thinks they’ve got what it takes. Cocky, sexy ATTITUDE is the key here, not looks.)

B) Read the following excerpt from DOUBLE D DOUBLE CROSS:

“When the tattooed tomato walked into my shabby Echo Park office, I had no idea if she was gonna kiss me or slap me. I was hoping for the former, but betting on the latter.

Her name was Diversity. Back when we first met, she’d been this waifish hippie chick fresh out of UC Berkley. A second-generation granola dyke whose homespun, organic hemp exterior hid a multi-O dynamo that wouldn’t quit. We had three tempestuous months together before it ended badly. Can’t say I was surprised. She was the type who got all juicy over the idea of slumming with a rough and tumble blue-collar butch like me, but couldn’t stop lecturing me about how I was internalizing patriarchal oppression because I cut my hair like Tony Curtis.

In the years since we’d parted ways, I hadn’t changed all that much. I’ve been 5’10” since I was fifteen and walk around at a fit 150. Muscular arms, broad shoulders and big, solid tits that I gave up hiding years ago. Never been pretty, but I’ve grown into handsome pretty well. Still cutting my hair like Tony Curtis.”

C) Include some extra footage of yourself hamming it up for the camera. Seduce me. Sell me your sexy swagger. Stand out from the pack and charm me right out of my panties.

D) Include this URL in your YouTube post http://amzn.com/B0076OEOG4

E) Email me a link to your post at christafaust AT gmail DOT com

The rest is up to you. Get creative. Use props and costumes if you like. Be as slick and polished or raw and gritty as you like. Be unique.

I will post links to all the videos received by July 1st 2012 here on this blog and all my readers will be invited to vote for the winner. That winner will be the star of the new Butch Fatale teaser trailer.

Good luck, and may the best butch win!

Mary Ryan, Detective and Kid Glove Killer

Wed, 09 May 2012 01:31:51 GMT

This is it. End of the line. The very last Noir City post of 2012. The final show was a Marsha Hunt double bill, starting with Mary Ryan, Detective.

A female detective (Hunt) goes undercover to bust up a gang of thieves. Which is pretty much all you need to know about the plot.

As I said in yesterday’s post, this film is so rare, even the star had never seen it. It’s a little too light-hearted at times to be classified as Noir, but I still enjoyed it anyway, mostly because of Marsha Hunt’s performance. I can’t remember ever seeing her act tough before, (Muller’s flick The Grand Inquisitor notwithstanding,) and I have to admit it was kind of hot. I loved her hard-ass attitude towards her cellmate and her slapping the tied up guard during a fur heist just to prove she was a real crook. And I was able to forgive the thankfully brief appearance of yet another child actor, a girl this time, because she turned out to be a thief, working a jewelry counter scam with her mom and another woman.

The gorgeous Ms. Hunt was on hand to discuss the film during the intermission, and she looked as effortlessly chic and classy as always. At 93, she’s still a knock out.

On a side note, if you’re interested in vintage fashion from the 30s and 40s, check out her book The Way We Wore.

Next, Kid Glove Killer.

This one, I’d seen. It’s a sort of proto-CSI story about a pair of “police chemists” (Hunt and Heflin) who use science to solve a series of politically motivated murders. It gets a little draggy in the middle and Heflin is weirdly unlikable in this role, but Marsha Hunt looks foxy in a lab coat and the forensic angle makes it interesting. It’s cute and charming and there are some pretty funny bits, but again, not really Noir. Still worth seeing on the big screen.

So that’s it, Faustketeers. Hope you enjoyed playing along at home, and hope you’ll make an effort to check out some of these films on my say so.

See ya in Noir City.

Circumstantial Evidence and Sign of the Ram

Tue, 08 May 2012 05:11:05 GMT

Another year, another Noir City in the can. For the final quadruple feature, I’m splitting my write up into two halves, so that we can make it last. Here’s the first half. Starting with Circumstantial Evidence.

It wasn’t until the last day that we had the first real loser of the festival. For starters, I was already way over my kid actor threshold with Suddenly and The Window, and the kid who plays the son in this one was exceptionally screechy and repellent.

Before the film starts, we get this heavy handed warning about the growing menace that threatens the very fabric of our society: circumstantial evidence. No really.

A volatile single dad (O’Shea) gets into a scuffle with a shopkeeper who accused his kid of stealing. The shopkeeper gets killed in the fight, and several witnesses claim to have seen O’Shea whack him with a hatchet. Of course he didn’t, but he gets sent to the chair anyway, by CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE!!!

The screechy kid and the dad's inexplicably sinister best friend (Lloyd Nolan) have to work together to clear the father’s name, which involves a kids boxing tournament and a bizarre pint-sized reenactment of the original fight.

His best friend never actually does anything bad in the film, but there was something about Nolan’s performance that made him seem kind of creepy and mildly sociopathic. When he was trying to get custody of the kid I was convinced he was gonna molest him or chop him up. No such luck.

When O’Shea finds out his appeal has been denied, he busts out of prison, only to discover that his kid and pal have proved him innocent and gotten him a pardon from the governor. So he has to break back in, which was the only almost-but-not-quite-good part of the film. It had some nice suspenseful moments but would have been infinitely better, and far more noirish, if he’d been killed on the way back in. Of course, he’s fine and everyone lives happily ever after.

Muller introduced this one by saying that he’d never seen it either and that we were all going to be guinea pigs in another Noir experiment. Afterwards, someone should have called PETA to report cruelty to animals.

Next up, the also not-really-Noir, but infinitely more tolerable Sign of the Ram.

A young woman gets a job as a secretary for a reclusive family that lives in a creepy old house on a cliff in Cornwall. The young wheelchair-bound stepmother saved her husband’s children from drowning but was dashed against the rocks and paralyzed during the rescue. She uses her disability and the now grown children’s gratitude to manipulate and control the entire family.

There are a lot of really interesting things about this movie, not the least of which being the fact that Susan Peters, the lead actress, was a real life paraplegic who’d suffered a spinal injury in a hunting accident. This film was written especially for her. Sadly, she died a few years later at 31 from kidney failure and pneumonia caused by anorexia.

I was also fascinated by the lesbian undertone of the youngest daughter’s strange passionate “crush” on her paralyzed stepmother. A crush so intense that she’s willing to kill for the object of her tortured teenage love.

But ultimately, this isn’t really my kind of movie. It’s too histrionic, too melodramatic and too soap-opera-ish. All the violence is very female in nature, like poisoning and goading others into suicide and jumping off cliffs into the raging sea. There’s way too much scheming to break up chaste, innocent relationships and not nearly enough sex. I kept wishing Charles McGraw would show up and start slapping these bitches around or something.

A rough start, but there was a Marsha Hunt double bill coming up, including a film so rare that Marsha herself had never seen it.

Stay tuned for my last write up of 2012.

Three Strangers and Nobody Lives Forever

Sun, 06 May 2012 18:39:33 GMT

Unfortunately, I was not able to make yesterday’s matinee with Denise Hamilton, but I was there for the night’s Geraldine Fitzgerald double feature. First the wonderful Three Strangers.

I’ve seen this one several times and love it. This may be the only film where Peter Lorre gets the girl (except maybe M, but that’s a whole other thing.) Which made a lot more sense once Muller explained that the part was originally written for Bogart and remained unchanged after Lorre got the role.

A superstitious woman engineers an anonymous encounter with an alcoholic dreamer mixed up in a hold up (Lorre) and an ambitious lawyer with a serious cash flow problem (Greenstreet) in order to fulfill an ancient legend about a Chinese goddess who will grant the mutual wish of three strangers at midnight on Chinese New Year. They agree to wish for money and split a sweepstakes ticket. Their wishes are fulfilled in unexpected ways and, because it’s Noir City, things quickly get ugly.

This one isn’t hard to come by, so I recommend you seek it out.

The night’s special guest was Geraldine Fitzgerald’s son Michael Lindsay-Hogg, and he had plenty of stories to share about his glamorous mother. The one that tormented me was that Fitzgerald had been up for the role Brigid O'Shaughnessy in Maltese Falcon. She claimed she turned it down because her best friend had an affair with Huston and was treated badly, but the truth was that she was always in dutch with the studio and they wouldn’t loan her out. I really hate Mary Astor in that role, and Fitzgerald would have been perfect.

The second Fitzgerald feature was Nobody Lives Forever.

At first, I thought I hadn’t seen this one, but as soon as I heard that opening voice over where the hospitalized Garfield is longing for New York City, I realized I was wrong. I’ve been having quite a bit of New York nostalgia myself lately.

Garfield plays a con man and ex GI who got injured in the war and is ready to go straight. But when he comes home to his apartment and his girl, things have changed and not for the better. Angry and disillusioned, he takes off for L.A. where he gets invited to join a big money scam to fleece a rich widow, played by Fitzgerald. But he ends up falling for the widow and starts to get second thoughts about the con, only his fellow scammers aren’t willing to let the big fish go.

Lots of great character actors in this one too, including Walter “Ever get bit by a dead bee?” Brennan and George Tobias. It’s a little bit on the lighter, more romantic side of Noir City, but still lots of fun. Plus I love foxy Faye Emerson’s wardrobe, particularly that almost fetish-style pin striped suit with bustier detailing. Of course I can’t find a photo of that suit, but here’s another one of her hot outfits for your enjoyment:

Today is the last day of the festival, and we’re going out with a bang. Two back to back double features! In the afternoon it’s Circumstantial Evidence and Sign of the Ram then in the evening we cap it off with a Marsha Hunt double bill of the ultra rare Mary Ryan, Detective and Kid Glove Killer.

The Maltese Falcon (1931) and City Streets

Sat, 05 May 2012 21:42:16 GMT

This is the kind of write up that tortures me (and you, too I’m sure) because I absolutely loved City Streets and it’s not available on DVD. Like Crashout, this is a film that more people need to see, but probably never will. I wish I could recommend it, but I’ll have to settle for telling you all about what you missed. Meanwhile, watch the TCM schedule and see if you can catch it.

But first, The (other) Maltese Falcon.

I’ve seen this one before, and it’s a pretty bad movie. Mostly on account of Cortez’ smarmy, leering performance. I actually like Bebe Daniels as “Ruth Wonderly” and the saucy Una Merkel as Effie but every second Cortez is on screen you want to knock that big cheeseball grin right off his kisser. I don’t buy him as either tough or sexy. The few times he’s required to show anything resembling real emotion it seems almost jarring, like something out of a different movie.

It’s a real tragedy that they couldn’t have this much sex and violence in the Bogart version, because that’s this films only redeeming quality. I love Bebe in the bubble bath and the scene where she’s forced to strip to prove she didn’t palm a thousand dollar bill. They don’t make any attempt to disguise the sexual nature of Wilmer (Dwight Frye!) and Gutman’s relationship either. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth checking out as a curiosity, even if it’s just so that you can have a giggle at Spade’s huge, luxurious apartment.

Now, a confession. I’m not a huge fan of the Bogart version either. It’s not bad, and it’s a thousand times better than this one, but I think it’s a little bit stagey and flat. I also find Mary Astor kind of sexless and unappealing as Brigid, although I loved her in Act of Violence. It’s too bad that a really dark, dead-on, true to the novel version of this story has never been made. Maybe someday…

Next up, City Streets

Muller kept talking about how handsome Gary Cooper is in this film, which is true, but I really fell for sexy Sylvia Sidney in her role as a street-wise mobster’s daughter.

This is the only Dashiell Hammett story that was written specifically for the screen, and it’s brilliant.

Nan, the aforementioned mobster’s daughter (step daughter actually,) played by Sidney, falls for a carnival sharpshooter and former bull-rider named Kid, played by Cooper. She works with her slippery stepfather’s mob running illegal beer. She encourages Kid to get in on the action so they can earn enough money to get married but he’s reluctant. Then she gets pinched trying to dispose of a murder weapon for her stepfather and goes to jail rather than rat out Pops. Pops convinces Kid that Nan needs his help and talks him into joining the mob.

Nan does the time like a pro with her mouth shut, but while she’s in the stir, she starts to have second thoughts about getting Kid involved in such a dangerous racket. Especially after her cellmate’s gangster boyfriend is murdered right outside the prison. When he comes to visit all dressed in spats and fur and tells her about how successful he’s been at climbing the criminal ladder, she’s heartbroken.

When she finally gets released, she begs Kid to give up the racket and run away with her. But he’s gotten used to the cash and the cars and big swanky house, and refuses. Until the boss starts hitting on Nan hard and won’t let up. Kid soon realizes the boss is going to rub him out so he can have Nan all to himself.

Kid leaves to take care of business with the Big Boss, but Nan makes her own arrangements to meet the boss in secret, with a gun in her purse.

This isn’t Kid’s story, it’s really Nan’s and she is a sensational character. She’s smart, tough, resourceful and independent, but also fiercely loyal and not afraid to take violent action to save her lover. According to Hammett’s granddaughter Julie, who was on hand to introduce the film, Hammett thought Sidney was perfect and exactly what he had imagined for that character. Which is interesting because the role was supposed to be played by Clara Bow, but she had to back out because of her famous nervous breakdown.

Of course the film is a little clunky at times and you can see that they were trying to figure out how to use this amazing new technology, but that doesn’t take away from the crackerjack script and the terrific performances.

Again, I wish this film were more widely available. But if you ever get a chance to see it, you won’t be sorry.

Okay America and Afraid To Talk

Fri, 04 May 2012 23:27:31 GMT

Before I get on to last night’s films, I need to mention something I forgot to include in yesterday’s write up. There’s a foot fetish scene in Private Hell 36! I only remembered it because there’s also a not-nearly-as-visually-appealing foot fetish scene in Okay America, which features Edward Arnold instead of Ida Lupino.

But never mind my sex life, on to the movies.

Last night was a pre-code “Proto-Noir” double bill of rare films from the 1930s. First, Okay America.

Lew Ayers is a Walter Winchell knock off who plays both sides against the middle while snooping around the sensational kidnapping of a young heiress.

The story is histrionic and over the top in that early 30s kind of way and I think the weird racist half-naked dance number (skull pasties!) immediately followed by an even weirder musical number with women in Aunt Jemima outfits gave me some kind of sexual whiplash. But the dialog is sharp and snappy and there’s plenty of sex and violence. Plus, it was directed by Tay Garnett, who would go on to direct The Postman Always Rings Twice. It’s not Noir, but you can see the roots of Noir in certain shots or certain lines. And I love Louis Calhern’s awesome schnoz.

Speaking of Calhern’s schnoz, Afraid to Talk.

A bell hop witnesses a mob hit and winds up framed for murder by a pack of corrupt politicians when the real killer reveals he’s got proof of all their dirty dealings.

Great noirish premise and once again we get plenty of pre-code sex and violence, though this time our un-PC dance number features a chain gang of sexy, scantily-clad jailbirds joined together by chains attached to heavy leather collars. (!!!) Here too, you can see the roots, the images and ideas that would some day grow up to be Noir.

Last night was fun for me, because I probably never would have chosen these movies on my own. I’m glad I saw them.

Shield For Murder and Private Hell 36

Thu, 03 May 2012 23:27:38 GMT

I think last night was my favorite so far. It was billed as a “crooked cop” double feature. Which it is, but I liked my friend Richard Heft’s description better: a “festival of booze-sweaty foreheads.” Which it also is.

First up, the sweaty Edmond O’Brian in Shield for Murder:

O’Brian stars as a dirty cop who murders a bookie for his bankroll and, as is so often the case in Noir City, covering up one crime quickly leads to others as he spirals dangerously out of control. Even his long-suffering girlfriend, played by Marla (The She Creature!!!) English and his partner John (Brain from Planet Arous!) Agar can’t save him from his inevitable self destruction. (Yeah, okay, so I’m a monster nerd.)

I loved this film, even though it was obviously shot for a nickel. O’Brian was fantastic, tortured yet believable and surprisingly sympathetic. Like Muller said, if you thought O’Brian was sweaty and unhinged in D.O.A, you need to see this movie.

The print was a bit of a mystery going in, since no one from the Film Noir Foundation was able to see it before last night’s screening. It turned out to be in pretty rough shape, but I was still thrilled to see it on the big screen and I hope that it will eventually be restored.

Speaking of restoration, if you’re enjoying these write ups and want to help the Film Noir Foundation continue to restore and preserve rare gems like Shield for Murder click here to donate. Tell 'em Faust sent ya.

Next up in the festival of booze-sweaty foreheads, Private Hell 36:

A pair of cops (Cochran and Duff) investigate a robbery, but when they uncover the missing dough, one of them starts getting ideas about how to keep his gold-digging girlfriend (Lupino) in diamonds. He pockets a chunk of the cash, much to his buddy’s dismay. They hide the money in a forgotten trailer park and seem to get away with it at first, but the pressure of covering up their crime begins to unravel their friendship. Cue the binge-drinking (which, according to Muller, wasn’t really acting) and sweaty foreheads.

Ida Lupino is my hero. She wasn’t just a pretty face, she was also a writer, director and producer. She co-wrote this film, and you can really see her deft touch with character development. There’s plenty of two-fisted action, but what makes it great is the interplay between the characters and they way they come apart at the seams.

Highly recommended.

Johnny O’Clock and Johnny Allegro

Tue, 01 May 2012 05:42:59 GMT

A “Johnny on the Spot” double feature, one good and one not so good.

First, O’Clock.

Dick Powell plays a swanky gangster whose convoluted love life, including his boss’ slutty wife, a heartbroken hatcheck girl and his jealous live-in “man,” (honest, that’s what he calls the surly twink he lives with) gets him mixed up in a murder.

Despite my personal issues with Powell’s upper lip, or lack thereof, he’s always aces and highly underrated. This movie is no exception. And Evelyn Keyes, who plays the sister of the murdered girl, is one of the grand dames of Film Noir.

We had strayed a ways with the last few double features, but this film brought us right back to Noir City with its snappy dialog, sharp suits and fallen women. Maybe I liked it more for hitting all my personal sweet spots than for its own objective merit, but you should check it out and see for yourself.

On the other hand, there’s Allegro.

I (probably unfairly) refer to George Raft as the Shatner of Noir. I really want to like him, seeing as we grew up in the same neighborhood and all, but he’s just so dull and wooden and that girdle isn’t fooling anyone. Sexy Nina Foch makes up for him to some degree, as does the suave and sinister George MacReady, but they are all battling against a laughably preposterous script that doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Raft plays the title character, a gangster turned florist who tries to go straight but gets sucked back into the underworld by a hot dish in trouble, played by Foch. Off to a nice, noirish start, only on the way down he gets tapped by cops who use his criminal record to strong-arm him into working undercover for them. They set up this elaborate fake cop-shooting so that Foch will be forced to take Raft with her where ever she’s going. Which turns out to be a private tropical island owned by her counterfeiting and bow-hunting husband (MacReady.) There’s also some kind of lame-brained international angle with shifty Russians and a really ham-handed riff on The Most Dangerous Game.

This film is silly as hell, but had a few entertaining moments. I can’t recommend it, but I’m glad I saw it.

Slaughter on Tenth Avenue and Edge of the City

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 22:45:58 GMT

A New York Waterfront double bill, one more New York than the other.

First, Slaughter on Tenth Avenue.

This movie should have been called “Slaughter in Long Beach,” but that’s okay. The lack of real NYC locations was more than made up for by the great gritty cast, including Dan Duryea, Walter Matthau, and a silver-haired Charles McGraw, along with tons of memorable bit parts like “Midget” the sawed-off alcoholic dock worker and the birdy little woman who thinks she’s the victim of mysterious death-rays. Not to mention the classy and still stunning Julie Adams, who was the special guest of the evening.

A longshoreman (Mickey Shaugnessy) is gunned down in the stairwell of his tenement apartment, but refuses to rat out the perps to the cops. A naïve young D.A. thinks he can break the waterfront code of silence and make a case against the shooters, but finds himself dragged down into the violent underworld of vigilante justice.

I’m generally not a fan of drawn-out courtroom scenes, but the trial in this movie is fantastic, with Dan Duryea as the merciless defense attorney and a snarling, hostile McGraw as a cop on the witness stand. I also loved the bit with the priest praying for forgiveness while handing out axe handles and rubber hoses to rioting strikers.

This film straddles the line between Noir and social commentary, but it never felt too heavy handed and was always entertaining. Definitely worth watching.

Julie Adams has been a guest before at Noir City, not to mention various screenings of The Creature From the Black Lagoon, and she is always gracious and lovely. Last night was no exception. I especially liked her story about the skin-tight leather pants she had to wear in the zillion and one low budget westerns she made early in her career. Apparently they were so tight that she was unable to get up on a horse and had to have a second identical but looser pair made for riding. Westerns notwithstanding, she’ll always be the Creature’s girlfriend to me.

Next, Edge of the City.

This movie really delivered on the vintage New York street scenes, shot on location in Harlem and along the waterfront. It probably falls more on the social commentary side of the fence, but still retains plenty of noirish flavor.

Troubled drifter Axel (Cassavetes) gets a job on the docks and is befriended by a fellow worker, the gregarious T.T. (Poitier.) But Axel has a dark secret that allows him to be taken advantage of by a racist bully (memorably played by Jack Warden) until the tense, simmering violence under the surface finally boils over into a spectacular cargo hook fight (!) to the death.

This is a story about a deep friendship between two men, possibly even too deep for the time, since there were apparently complaints from censors about the overt homosexual overtones of one scene in particular. Amazingly the director didn’t cave and the movie remains as originally intended.

It’s a little heavy on the 50s psychobabble but still well worth tracking down. Both Poitier and Cassvetes are at the top of their game in this one. And did I mention the cargo hook fight? Cargo hook fight! Seriously, go watch this now.

Scene of the Crime and Reign of Terror

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 23:59:17 GMT

Before I get to the full write ups, I have to share a deeply traumatic experience from last night.

Witness: Hipster Charles McGraw!

Anyone who follows this blog knows how much I love McGraw. I love him because he’s a man of his time, a quintessential Film Noir tough guy. Nothing like the current crop of soft-serve mama’s boys calling themselves actors these days. So seeing him like this in Reign of Terror, looking like he's getting ready to ride his fixie over to the Silver Lake Trader Joe’s to pick up some organic tofunaise, was hard to handle. No wonder he gets his ass kicked by children in this movie. I feel like I need to go back and watch Narrow Margin again to rinse this image out my eyes.

Okay, back to the movies.

First up Scene of the Crime.

This is a low budget, no frills, meat-and-potatoes kind of flick. Van Johnson stars as a clean, honest cop whose partner is murdered outside a bookie joint with 1000 dollars in his pocket. Johnson has to catch the killer and prove that his late partner wasn’t crooked. Along the way he gets mixed up with a duplicitous stripper and a variety of shady, underworld characters, including a snitch named Sleeper, played by that night’s special guest Norman Lloyd.

Scene of the Crime isn’t bad, just mediocre. The plot seems unnecessarily convoluted and I didn’t like the big reveal about the killer using a black rubber glove to make his hand seem twisted. Still, it had its moments. I liked the stripper’s song about being a “lady” and her unexpected reversal at the end of the number where she converts her short sexy costume into a long gown. Lloyd’s character was memorable and delightfully off-kilter and got killed way too soon.

It also felt very long at 95 minutes and probably could have done with some trimming. I have a feeling there’s a decent 65 minute movie under all that padding.

In the break between films, host Alan Rode had a chat with the charming Norman Lloyd. He’s 97 now, and you’d never know it. He had to leave early, not because of his age, but because he had to be up early for a tennis game the next day! But before he left, he shared some great personal stories of working with Mann, Hitchcock and Orson Welles.

Next in line, (and also featuring Norman Lloyd) some French revolutionary Noir with Reign of Terror, also known as The Black Book.

I tend to be kind of prejudiced against costume dramas. When I go to Noir City, I want fedoras, not powdered wigs. But hey, it’s Anthony Mann, so I was willing to put those prejudices aside. I’m glad I did, because I liked this one way more than I thought I would. Hipster Charles McGraw notwithstanding.

The plot revolves around a missing black book filled with the names of men marked for death. The book’s author is the legendary Robespierre, and finding it could prevent a political coup.

This movie’s got bondage and torture galore (!) plus plenty of snappy dialog, edge-of-your-seat suspense and some stellar performances, particularly Arnold Moss (the 1940’s version Adrian Brody) as the sleazy, double-dealing politician. Mann’s stylized shadowy imagery is gorgeous as always and the violence is raw, sweaty and visceral. Nothing about it is precious or stuffy the way you’d imagine a corset flick to be. I actually liked it much better than Scene of the Crime, which on the surface seems to be more up my (dark) alley.

So never mind the wigs, Reign of Terror is Film Noir at its finest. Mistress Christa says check it out.

Caged and Big House USA

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 23:38:02 GMT

”File out, you tramps!”

I absolutely love this movie. As host Alan Rode mentioned in his intro, this film tends to get unfairly categorized as “camp,” often lumped in with cheesy brain-dead sexploitation flicks because of it’s subject matter; women in prison. But this is actually a bleak, brutal and hard-hitting film that doesn’t pull any punches. The women are not tarted-up bimbos rolling around in cute little lingerie catfights. They are sweaty, raw-faced and desperate, shot with harsh, unflattering realism. Eleanor Parker is deeply sympathetic and completely believable as a pregnant teenage widow who enters a terrified child and leaves a hardened criminal. And Noir City favorite Hope Emerson is unforgettable as the beefy, sadistic matron.

The scene where she describes a hot date to the inmates, taunting them with her sexy descriptions of what they can never have, is deliciously twisted.

Highly recommended, with the caveat that it does feature kitten death. A brilliant, darkly ironic scene and not at all gratuitous, but soft-hearted animal lovers upset by such things might want to skip it.

Big House USA, on the other hand, was kind of a let down.

A young boy’s kidnapping goes wrong and sends a cold-hearted con man (Ralph Meeker) to the aforementioned Big House, where he shares a cell with Broderick Crawford, William Tallman, Charles Bronson and Lon Chaney Jr. (!!!) Of course, they have a plan to bust out and decide to kidnap the kidnapper in order to get their hands on his hidden ransom money.

Sounds awesome, right? How can this premise possibly go wrong?

By spending way too much screen time on the cops and feds solving the crime, complete with snooze-inducing voice-over, and not nearly enough in the stir.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s about 30 brilliant minutes to this film. Every minute that Broderick Crawford is on camera. Plus, lots of shirtless Charles Bronson.

This is also an amazingly violent film for the time, including (SPOILERS!!!) the on-screen death of the little boy and a scene where the cons burn a dead guy’s face off to hide his identity. But if this were my movie, I would have started with Meeker walking into the prison and stayed with the cons the whole time.

However, this one is definitely worth seeing just for the Broderick Crawford scenes. Plus, it's a must see for aficionados of Bronson’s pouty nipples, which get more screen time than Felicia Farr.

Tonight, Scene of the Crime, with special guest Normal Lloyd, and Reign of Terror.

T-Men and Strange Impersonation

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 23:30:31 GMT

I’ve seen T-Men before. In fact it may have been the first Film Noir I ever saw. If not the very first, then one of the first for sure.

But any chance to see hot, sweaty, nearly naked Charles McGraw on the big screen is worth taking.

A pair of US Treasury agents, played by Dennis O’Keefe and Alfred Ryder, go undercover to infiltrate a counterfeiting ring. “Going undercover” in this film seems to mean spending a lot of time in steam rooms dressed in nothing but towels. Not that I’m complaining. O’Keefe’s famous line; “Have you ever spent ten days in a Turkish bath looking for a man?" still cracks me up every time.

T-Men falls into the category of “DocuNoir.” You know, ripped from the headlines, heavy on the anti-crime propaganda, dull, authoritative narration. Seems like strange bedfellows with Mann’s stylish, shadow-heavy visuals, but it works. And did I mention Charles McGraw?

McGraw is at his bad-ass best as a heavy named Moxie who likes breaking fingers. If there was ever a face made to be half in shadow, it’s McGraw’s. Best profile in Noir City. If you haven’t seen T-Men yet, go watch it now. I’ll wait.

Next up, another Anthony Mann film; Strange Impersonation.

This movie gets on the express bus to bizarroville in the first reel and doesn’t let up. I loved every minute of it. I don’t even know how to begin recounting the delirious plot, and I don’t want to give too much away, but here’s the set up:

A lady scientist (!) invents a new form of anesthesia, which she decides to test on herself at home.

On the way there, she hits a drunk pedestrian with her car. The woman is unhurt at the time, but after being approached by an ambulance chasing lawyer, she starts to get dollar signs in her eyes. Meanwhile the anesthesia test goes haywire when the scientist’s best friend (statuesque blond goddess Hillary Brooke) betrays her. The scientist winds up hospitalized and severely disfigured while the foxy friend sets to work stealing her tepid, chinless fiancé, played by William Gargan. (Isn’t Gargan one of the monsters that fights Godzilla?)

Of all the wild, outlandish plot twists in this film, the one I had the hardest time believing is the idea that any woman would ever want to fuck this guy, let alone murder another woman to be with him.

That aside, Strange Impersonation was an absolute hoot from start to finish. It’s not a great film, probably not even a good film, but I loved it. Unironically.

Tonight, a prison double bill of Caged and Big House USA.

Phantom Lady, Black Angel and The Window

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 20:17:52 GMT

Last night’s big Cornell Woolrich triple feature turned into a quadruple feature when Eddie Muller arranged to rescreen Suddenly. Good thing I was dressed down to go the distance and brought along a picnic dinner

First in line was Phantom Lady, one of my personal faves.

Being a bird nerd, covered with bird tattoos and obsessed with bird motifs in clothing and jewelry, I covet the huge, gaudy “phantom hat” in this film.

I also love the dress the titular character paired with this hat, which features a sequined double bird appliqué on the left shoulder. If anyone could rock this look today, I like to think it would be me.

Fashion aside, this is movie is a knockout. Based on a classic novel by Cornell Woolrich, directed by legendary Noir stylist Robert Siodmak and starring luminous beauty Ella Raines and scenery-chomping Franchot Tone as a twitchy, murderous sculptor.

A despondent everyman (Alan Curtis) gets stood up on his anniversary and ends up spending the evening with a mysterious lonely woman. When he goes home, he finds his wife strangled and himself charged with her murder. His plucky, loyal secretary (Raines) vows to do whatever it takes to prove him innocent.

The unforgettable basement jazz sequence with Elisha Cook Jr as a hopped-up drummer and trampy “hep kitten” Ella egging him on in a sweaty, manic frenzy of sexual innuendo was even better on the big screen.

I also love Carmen Miranda’s feisty little sister Aurora as the sexy, hot-tempered dancer who’s too vain to admit that another woman was wearing the same hat.

This film does have its flaws, most notably the awkward censor-driven explanation of Tone’s abrupt, not-really suicide at the end. Apparently it was forbidden for a murderer to commit suicide to evade justice, so they had to tack on a preposterous line about him accidentally falling from the balcony while trying to escape. Yeah, right after he “accidentally” flung himself through the plate glass window.

But flaws aside, this film is still one of my personal faves. Mistress Christa says check it out.

On to Black Angel.

Another Woolrich classic, packed with Noir City favorites like Dan Duryea, Peter Lorre and Broderick Crawford. The only misstep in the casting of this film is the wooden, mannish and deeply unappealing June Vincent.

Unfortunate, since her character is so central to the story.

An alcoholic piano player (Duryea) and a night club singer (Vincent) discover that their respective spouses were having an affair after the songbird’s husband is arrested for the murder of the pianist’s estranged wife. The two of them team up to find the real killer and the pianist ends up falling for the singer. Which was pretty hard to believe, considering that he was originally married to Constance Dowling.

While not as stylish as Phantom Lady, this one is a fun ride with lots of classic twists and turns. I loved Lorre as the surprisingly sympathetic aging gangster turned night club owner. His snappy line (to his hired muscle) “I don’t try to throw punches and you don’t try to think” got a big pop from the audience.

Last in the Woolrich triple feature was The Window.

Based on The Boy Who Cried Wolf, this film follows an inner city kid who witnesses a murder and can’t get anyone to believe him.

Now all you Faustketeers know I’m not a big fan of kids in real life. As a result, I find most kid-actors kind of creepy, always hamming it up and mugging for the camera. Even though Bobby Driscoll won a special Oscar for his performance in this film, I found it a bit too over-the-top in that standard kid-actor way. I wasn’t the only one who cheered when Noir City heavy Paul Stewart punched him in the face and knocked him out. Your mileage my vary.

My own personal prejudice aside, there’s lots to love in this movie. For one thing, it’s shot on location in and around the tenements of New York City, which brought back lots of memories of my own childhood playing in abandoned buildings, on fire-escapes and roof tops, also known as Tar Beach. Paul Stewart and Ruth Roman are dynamite as a murderous married couple and the suspense never lets up. Plus it was a beautifully restored 35 mm print funded by The Film Noir Foundation. Unquestionably worth watching.

As if this wasn’t enough Noir for one night, the Czar was able to arrange a do-over for the digital print of Suddenly.

The problem with the previous night’s screening happened because, although all the projection settings had been calibrated in advance and were ready to go, someone turned the machine off during the first feature. When it was turned back on, all the default settings were restored and the person who knew how to reset them had already gone home.

This time around there were no such problems and we got to see the print the way it was supposed to be shown. Clear, crisp and near-perfect. While it could be argued that the blacks were not as rich and deep as 35mm film, a simple meat-and-potatoes kind of film like Suddenly didn’t suffer from that subtle flatness the way a flashier more high-contrast film like Phantom Lady might have. The image quality was so high, that I found myself mesmerized by the scars on Sinatra’s neck. You just can’t take your eyes off him. Every second that he’s on screen he owns it completely. I enjoyed his performance even more the second time around.

There was one glitch that remained, an odd jump when the grandfather gets up from the couch. Missing frames maybe, but hardly a deal-breaker. I’ll always prefer real film, but I can live with this. I’d much rather see a digital print on the big screen than watch a muddy, half-assed transfer on YouTube. Or worse, not see it at all.

If this is the future of Noir City, then you can count me in.

Naked Alibi and Suddenly

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 19:33:15 GMT

Switching gears from pretty little Alan Ladd to the big, butch slab of manliness that is Sterling Hayden might have given me testosterone whiplash. In a good way, of course. Hayden isn’t much of an actor, but he’s still one of my all time Noir City favorites. I would watch him read the menu at a Waffle House. Throw fallen angel Gloria Grahame into the mix and I’m hooked.

Only in the 50s could you get away with a story like this. A story in which police brutality is actually a good thing.

Upstanding baker and family man Al Willis (Gene Barry) is picked up drunk with no ID and gets roughed up by a bunch of cops. He snaps and fights back, vowing revenge, but is eventually released when he sobers up and proof of his identity is provided.

Over the next few days, the cops who beat Willis start turning up dead. Hayden plays Joe Conroy, a detective who is deeply suspicious of the supposedly innocent baker. Conroy gets fired for harassing Willis, but he still can’t let it go and starts tailing the baker on his own time, hiring a private eye to help him out. Is Conroy a psycho cop with an irrational vendetta, or is he on to something?

Things get interesting when Willis tells his wife and infant daughter that he needs to get away for a few days to recover from the trauma of the beatings and harassment. Instead of going to Palm Springs or Pismo Beach, he heads for a shady border town and into the passionate arms of a bruised songbird, played by Gloria Grahame. Conroy follows him and complication ensue.

No real spoilers, but I will say this. Gene Barry is fantastic in this role, but like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, he comes off as an unhinged mad-dog killer from frame one. You don’t buy him as an innocent everyman for a second. But the truth is, you don’t have to in order to enjoy this film.

Oh, and did I mention that Gloria Grahame sings a torch song called “Ace in the Hole?” Seriously, you need this movie.

Next up was Suddenly, with Hayden and Frank Sinatra

Before I get into detail about the film itself, there was a pretty major catastrophe relating to this screening that I need to address.

Before this film started, Eddie Muller got up and gave an impassioned speech about the inevitable shift to digital projection and how, no matter how much we all love film, we have no choice but to roll with the change-over and start considering including digital prints in the Noir City festival. This film, Suddenly, has no 35mm print available. Because it’s in the public domain, there are dozens of lousy, muddy dupes out there, but a friend of Muller’s had meticulously crafted a beautiful, crisp digital copy from an original European fine grain print that, when projected correctly, should be indistinguishable from film.

Because this was the first digital print shown at Noir City, Muller asked us all to share our honest thoughts and opinions. But he wanted us to really watch the film and seriously consider the quality of the image, not just deliver a knee-jerk reaction against new technology. I was totally down, ready to open my mind and embrace the future.

The projection was bad.

I’m not familiar with the technology so I can’t say exactly what went wrong, but it’s my understanding that the problem was not with the print itself, but with the projection. As a result, every highlight was crawling with digital noise. It was almost unwatchable, but I hung in there for you, my three readers, so I could come back and report on the massacre.

The worst thing about this problem was that it was apparently fixable. Only the usual crackerjack projectionist was not there and they had some part-timer filling in who had absolutely no idea what to do. There’ve been several projection problems this year, mostly fumbled reel changes, but this was absolutely unacceptable. Off all the nights for something like this to go wrong, it had to be last night, when we were all supposed to be making this great leap into the future.

The real tragedy was that when you looked between the glimmering patches, you could see that the print was absolutely beautiful.

I could go on and on about this clusterfuck, and we did last night, closing a neighboring bar after the screening. But I’ll just move on to the film itself.

This was supposed to be Sterling Hayden’s night, but Sinatra stole the show in this film. He is absolutely brilliant as a psycho killer planning to assassinate the President. In fact, I think this may be his best role, or at least my personal favorite. I loved the way his sharp, angular face and lean, wiry street-dog build paired up against the affable and beefy Hayden.

A reoccurring theme that carried through from the previous film was the positive portrayal of righteous violence on the part of law enforcement. Probably not the most PC of messages, especially when combined with all the man-handling and verbal abuse of women in both films. At one point in Suddenly, the grandfather character tells Hayden’s love interest, played by Nancy Gates to “Stop being a woman!” But misogyny is nothing new in Noir City.

Because it’s in the public domain, this film is very easy to find. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend it.

Tonight, a Cornell Woolrich TRIPLE feature! Phantom Lady, Black Angel and The Window. I'll be bringing a blanket and a picnic basket.

The Great Gatsby and This Gun for Hire

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 20:43:45 GMT

It’s that time again, Faustketeers. Noir City, Hollywood. This year’s big kick off was a real challenge for me, something I probably never would have chosen to watch on my own.

The Great Gatsby. Yes, really.

For starters, I have mixed feelings about Alan Ladd, who plays the lead in this version. He’s so pretty, it’s kind of hard to take him seriously.

Plus, I tend to (probably unfairly) associate him with the bad baseball script in Sunset Boulevard. But I had to throw all that out and try to keep an open mind. I’m glad I did.

Host Eddie Muller compared Ladd in this role to Bogart in In A Lonely Place, explaining how the story of Jay Gatsby reflects Ladd’s own background as a dirt-poor, malnourished Okie kid who worked his way up from nothing and became a movie star. That puts a interesting spin on it and gave more weight to what could have been a throwaway performance.

Putting aside the “Noir or Not” debate, this version of Gatsby is an interesting piece of film history that has been mostly forgotten in favor of the more popular 70s version. Even though it’s set in the 1920s, there’s an undeniably 40’s sensibility to this film. It features a lot of familiar Noir City faces, like Elisha Cook Jr, Barry Sullivan, Howard da Silva and Shelly Winters. It’s got all the extramarital sex, obsession, violence and murder that Noir Hounds crave. So much so, in fact, that it was a battle to get the film past censors who objected to it's “low moral tone.”

“Low moral tone?” Count me in.

This isn’t a great movie. Some of the dialog is pretty leaden and unconvincing and it contains what may be the worst special effect of all time, but it’s dark and bleak and has a downbeat Noir ending. I was pretty impressed with the surprisingly gory (for the time) bare-chested bullet wound. I loved the saucy Ruth Hussey as Daisy’s sexually-liberated best friend and her funny, flirtatious banter with Sullivan was one of the highlights of the film. I also loved the rich old yacht captain egging Gatsby on to try to nail his sexy young trophy wife, knowing that his money would keep her faithful.

Is it Noir? I think so. Is it worth seeing? Definitely.

Of course, there’s no question about the second film on last night’s double bill. It doesn’t get much more Noir than This Gun For Hire.

Google Film Noir images, and one of the first things you’ll see will probably be this iconic photo of Ladd as hit man Phillip Raven. But This Gun For Hire has never been screened in 14 years of Noir City. Thankfully, that inexplicable oversight was corrected last night.

It had been ages since I’d seen this film and never on the big screen. I’d forgotten how kinky it is.

Bondage! Cross-dressing! Gas masks! Veronica Lake doing a fishing-themed nightclub number in a sexy black raincoat and thigh-high boots! This one is a must see for perverts and Noir Hounds alike.

Lake plays a magician who gets mixed up with an unscrupulous chemical company executive and the hit man he double-crossed. This movie was Ladd’s break out role, and it’s easy to see why. He’s mesmerizing, stone cold and beautiful, yet at times touchingly vulnerable. I’m not a huge fan, but this may be my favorite of all his films.

I also love Veronica Lake in this film. Her character Ellen Graham is not just eye candy. She’s smart, independent and brave. Despite being bound and gagged, she never comes off as a helpless damsel in distress. When kidnapped, she secretly leaves clever clues to help the police follow her. She challenges convention and takes risks for what she believes is right. She’s a rare bird in Film Noir, a strong female who is not a villainess.

Even though Lake is engaged to a nice-guy cop and stays faithful to him throughout the film, her chemistry with Ladd is so powerful that it seems like there’s no one else in the world when they’re on screen together. It’s hardly surprising that the pair went on to make Film Noir classics The Glass Key and The Blue Dahlia.

This film is available on DVD, so pick up a copy and play along at home. You won’t be sorry.

The Haul (no legs)

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 22:26:07 GMT

Several readers have asked about my haul from the paperback show. Here you go:

(Sorry, no legs in this photo.)

I wound up with a mix of beater reading copies and nicer stuff, several of which were gifts. Since the glare obscured some titles, here's a list.

THE BRAT by Gil Brewer

FRIGID WIFE By Orrie Hitt (Bold!)

A DAME IN HIS CORNER by Robert N. Owen

A PLOT FOR MURDER by Fredric Brown

TWENTY PLUS TWO by Frank Gruber

LOVELY AND LETHAL by Frank Castle

NIGHT SQUAD by David Goodis

THEY DON'T DANCE MUCH by James Ross

MURDER ME FOR NICKLES by Peter Rabe

THE BEST FROM MANHUNT with a story by Richard S. Prather, among others

THIEVES' MARKET by A. I. Bezzerides

You talkin' to me?

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 17:13:41 GMT

Check out this article in the Wall Street Journal this weekend about vintage Hardboiled novels. I'll wait...

Plenty of excellent suggestions for your reading list, but I have issues with the author's claim that "...the genre used to be a lot more interesting."

Not to take away from the classics, but I can't imagine anyone who has read Ray Banks, Megan Abbott, Cathi Unsworth or Frank Bill would say something like that.

Also, I can't help but feel like the snarky little barb about "a wisecracking private eye who is an icy femme fatale" is directed at me, though clearly no one who's actually read my novels would refer to them that way. I certainly can't think of very many other modern books that fit that description. Can you?

Bottom line, tons of formulaic crap got published back then, just like now. And there are a few authors who rise above the sea of crap, just like now.

Thoughts?

Hardboiled Bootcamp

Sun, 04 Mar 2012 22:40:10 GMT

Want me to whip your sorry-ass fiction into fighting shape? Now's your chance. This month I'll be teaching my first class for LitReactor - Tough Dames: How to Write Believable Hardboiled Heroines. AKA Round One of Mistress Christa's Two-Fisted Finishing School for Naughty Word Sluts.

This isn't some kinda feel-good self-validating circle jerk where everyone gets a gold star just for trying. This is hardboiled bootcamp. And by the time I'm done with you maggots, you'll be lean, mean, pulp-writing machines. Or at the very least, you'll suck just a little bit less.

Space is limited, so sign up now.

Ask Mistress Christa

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 19:17:07 GMT

Got issues? Burning questions? Or maybe you just need to be told what to do. Drop me a line at crimefactoryzine@gmail.com with "ask Christa" in the subject line to be part of my new no-holds-barred advice column for Crime Factory Magazine.

Considering Kickstarter

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 18:58:19 GMT

I'm considering using Kickstarter to help fund the next Butch Fatale novel: MY TONGUE IS QUICK. This series is a real labor of love for me. A sexy, edgy, queer, and truly indy project with little mainstream appeal, and so I feel that the DIY, my-dad's-got-a-barn approach is going to be the best way to make it happen.

What do you guys think of Kickstarter? Writers, have you ever used Kickstarter to fund a project? How did it work out for you? Readers, have you ever contributed to a project via Kickstarter? Were you happy with the result?

My one and only experience with Kickstarter so far has been on the giving end, in helping to fund the MR ANGEL documentary. It really did make me feel good to be part of that project, even in a small way. But I can't help but wonder if anyone would really care enough about my little hardboiled lesbian PI series to cough up the cold hard cash to keep it going.

Thoughts?

On Cynthia Nixon, Bisexuality and Sexual "Likability"

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 22:29:56 GMT

After all the online hullabaloo, actress Cynthia Nixon has clarified her recent controversial "gay by choice" comments in the Advocate.

As a fellow no-respect-getting bisexual, I'll admit I was stung by her statement: "I don't pull out the 'bisexual' word because nobody likes the bisexuals." After all, if people only stand up and publicly identify with approved or "likable" orientations, then we'd all still be in the closet. I'm proud to be an unconventional, kinky, pansexual pervert and refuse to let perceived likability get in the way of who I am. Which is why I stand proudly beside straight Dominant men and sumbissive bois and kinky transwomen and any and everyone else who falls outside the conventional lines of defined and approved sex and gender roles. We are who we are. You don't have to like us, but you do have to respect our basic human rights.

I'm glad Nixon has clarified her statements so her words can no longer be used by fundies as "proof" that homosexuality is a choice and therefore homosexual couples are not worthy of the same rights, respect and legal protection as heterosexuals. But it still sucks that such clarification was ever needed.

Thoughts?

Butch Fatale is Coming (!)

Mon, 16 Jan 2012 21:46:48 GMT

Lock up your daughters! Butch Fatale, Dyke Dick is coming soon to an e-reader near you.

BUTCH FATALE IS A FAST-TALKING, SKIRT-CHASING, TWO-FISTED LESBIAN PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR WITH AN INSATIABLE APPETITE FOR TWO THINGS — WOMEN AND TROUBLE.

It started off easy. A little lost femme, a heartbroken butch and fat roll of bills. But when the beautiful corpses start stacking up, Butch realizes she’s got enemies in high places and the Armenian mob measuring her for a plot in the Glendale Cemetery.

Butch Fatale's first book DOUBLE D DOUBLE CROSS will be released in e-book format on February 14th.

You can read a NSFW excerpt on my website.

A Very Indy Holiday

Tue, 13 Dec 2011 00:33:34 GMT

A lot of people are up in arms (and rightly so) about Amazon encouraging consumers to browse brick and mortar shops to find books, gifts or whatever, but then to actually buy the stuff from Amazon instead. In tough times when so many indy retailers are barely making ends meet, this seems like a particularly brutal fuck you. I know money is tight for everyone, but the holidays are supposed to be about generosity and giving back to the community, right?

I'm not going to hold it against anyone that prefers to shop through Amazon. I love using Amazon to buy e-books for my Kindle and to pick up various other small inexpensive items throughout the year. I'll be using Amazon to e-publish my hardboiled lesbian PI novel BUTCH FATALE, DYKE DICK early next year and I hope you guys will all buy three copies. I'm the last person on earth to be boycotting Amazon. Which I'm not. I'm just saying that Amazon isn't gonna go hungry this holiday season if you spend your money elsewhere. The same can't be said for your local indy bookseller.

So, in the spirit of whatever holiday you choose to celebrate, I propose a little switcheroo. Check out the items on my Amazon wish list (many of which are linked from indy retailers anyway) write down the titles and then go buy them in a real store. Or order them online from a real store, owned by a real person, like Murder By the Book, for example.

Then you can snail mail your holiday purchases, fan letters, chocolates, shoes, severed ears or whatever to my brand spanking new mailbox out here in the burbs:

11144 Balboa Blvd. #104
Granada Hills CA 91344

Also, as always, you can send me copies of my own books to be signed and/or personalized. Just be sure to include a self-addressed stamped envelope with sufficient postage for the weight of the book(s.)

March for Muffs

Sat, 10 Dec 2011 17:06:14 GMT

Don't get me wrong, I'm totally against women paying to chop off their labia, and have ranted extensively on the topic, all across the web. These March for Muffs protesters clearly have their hearts in the right place, but I have to disagree with their claim that the upswing in vaginal cosmetic surgery is due to "the pornification of culture."

The adult film industry is flawed and full of contradictions, but it cannot be accused of forcing women to cut off their labia. Case in point: Alexis Texas (VERY NSFW!) She is one of the most popular porn stars working today, and she also has an "outie." Meaning long, protruding labia, which she is deliberately exaggerating in the above linked photo.

Many women make their argument using magazines like Playboy as proof that men are being trained by porn to prefer small labia. But A) the photos in that particular magazine have been photoshopped to remove any visible naughty bits and B) the average guy is not spanking it to Playboy anyway. He's watching Alexis Texas stretch open her big fat labia on the internet.

I support the March for Muffs in spirit and agree that women need to stand up say "fuck no" to the mutilation of our bodies for profit. But porn is not the villain here. Porn has absolutely nothing to gain by women "tightening" their vaginas because you can't tell how tight a woman is on camera. When you're looking to solve a crime, look for motive. Who stands to profit? The real villains are the guys selling this kind of plastic surgery. The same guys selling us liposuction and facelifts and feeding off our insecurity and body shame. Because, sadly, women are often our own worst enemies.

So let your freak flaps fly! Be proud of your pussy, no matter what size, shape or color. And anyone who doesn't like it doesn't deserve it. Period.

Texas Bound

Wed, 02 Nov 2011 20:36:46 GMT

I'm taking off into to the wild blue yonder, leaving for Texas at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning. I'll be doing two signings, one in Austin and one in Houston. Here's the schedule:

Thursday November 3rd at 7pm I'll be signing at BOOK PEOPLE - 603 N. Lamar, Austin TX 78703 (512) 472-5050

Friday November 4th at 6:30pm, I'll be at MURDER BY THE BOOK with the always awesome Duane Swierczynski - 2342 Bissonnet Street Houston, TX 77098 (713) 524-8597

See y'all there.